


Coming Out is a Process

by Jestana



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: Coming Out, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Trans Female Character, accidental misgendering, accidental transphobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:15:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23876794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jestana/pseuds/Jestana
Summary: Five times Terry Ryder came out and it went well plus one time it didn't.
Relationships: Alec Ryder/Ellen Ryder
Kudos: 5





	Coming Out is a Process

**Author's Note:**

> I've been a little nervous about posting this. I'm not trans myself, though I am queer. One common thing is the fact that coming out isn't 'one and done'. It's a process. You have to choose who you tell and sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's not. In my original fic, Terry tells Suvi that some people didn't take it well. Others did. So, here are examples of both situations.

**One**

Ellen Ryder didn't look up from the notes she was typing up when she heard the knock on her office door. "Come on in, the door's open."

"Mom?" Terry sounded nervous and scared when he opened the door.

Looking up, Ellen could see the nerves and fear reflected on her eleven-year-old son's face. "Hi, Terry. Do you need something?"

"Can I ask you a question?" Terry closed the door behind him and rubbed the back of his neck with one hand.

Reminded of Alec, Ellen saved her work and set her notes aside. "Of course, sweetie. You know you can ask me anything."

"Thanks, Mom." Terry followed her over to the sofa and cuddled close to her once she sat down.

She kissed his forehead with a smile. "Always, Terry. Now, what's on your mind?"

He remained silent for several moments, taking her hand and pressing his palm to hers. Finally, he asked, "How did you know you were a girl and not a boy?"

"Besides biology?" she asked, thinking quickly.

Terry nodded, keeping his eyes on their hands. "Yeah. We talked about gender in school and how there's actually more than just boys and girls for humans and some asari prefer to be called he and him instead of she and her."

"I see." Ellen gently stroked Terry's hair, wondering when it'd grown so long. "Well, I've never questioned my gender. But, I _do_ remember reading somewhere that a sign you're not cis is the fact that you even question it."

Nodding again, Terry look up at Ellen, violet eyes fearful yet determined, "I think I'm trans, Mom. Or maybe enby. I'm not sure which, but--"

"No matter what, I still love you, Terry," she told him-her-them firmly. "Whether you're my son, daughter, neither, or both, I love you."

After staring up at her for several moments with wide eyes, Terry's face crumpled and they burst into tears. Ellen drew them into a tight hug, just holding them and rubbing their back. When Terry finally stopped crying, they whispered hoarsely, "Thanks, Mom."

"Always, Terry," she whispered back, leaning down to press her forehead against theirs. " _Always_."

**Two**

Freddy and Terry had shared a room all their lives. As identical twins, they'd _always_ looked alike. Until recently. Freddy couldn't pinpoint when it began, but sometime over the past few years, it became easier for people to tell the difference between them besides, _"Oh, you're smiling, so you're Freddy. He's not, so he's Terry."_ Terry had become reserved around _him_ , too, which hurt. They'd been each other's best friends for thirteen years. What had changed?

"Freddy?" Ellen's voice drew him out of his thoughts and he looked up to find both her and Terry looking at him curiously. "You've been awfully quiet tonight. Is something wrong?"

He looked between the two, debating for a moment if he should say something. In the end, he decided it would bug him until he had an answer so he may as well ask. "Do you two have a secret that you're not telling me?"

"I-- what?" Terry stared at him in surprise.

Ellen frowned at him. "I taught you better manners than that, Frederick Ryder."

"Sorry, Mom." He winced at the use of his full given name. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Terry wince, too.

Nodding, Ellen turned to Terry and said quietly, "It's up to you, sweetie."

"I-- um." Hesitating, Terry reached up to rub the back of his neck, like Alec did when he was nervous or trying to figure out how to say something _just right_.

Reaching over, Freddy covered Terry's other hand with his. "It's all right, Terry. You're my best friend, remember? Whatever it is, just tell me."

"Thanks, Freddy." Smiling weakly, Terry turned his hand and squeezed Freddy's.

He returned the squeeze with a grin. "Always, Terry."

"The thing is..." Terry paused and took a deep breath. "I'm not your brother." Violet eyes met violet. "I'm your sister."

Freddy stared blankly for a few moments, processing Terry's words and understanding their implication. "You're saying you're trans? You're certain?"

"As certain as I can be," Terry replied, looking hopeful. "I wasn't sure at first, so Mom suggested just preventing puberty."

Freddy turned to Ellen. "You knew already?"

"Yes? Who else would I talk to about feeling like a girl instead of a boy?" Terry demanded.

Ellen covered Freddy and Terry's clasped hands with hers. "Why are you upset that Terry talked to me first, Freddy?"

"We're best friends, Mom!" he explained stoutly. "Not just twins. Best friends don't keep secrets from each other.”

Terry nodded slowly. "That's true, but I wasn't sure how you'd react to me being trans." She squeezed his hand again. "We won't be identical anymore."

"I don't _care_ about us being identical, Terry." Freddy returned the squeeze with a smile. "I care that you're happy and if that means you're my twin sister instead of my twin brother, then that's that."

Getting up, Terry closed the distance between their chairs and hugged him tight. "Thanks, Freddy."

"Always, Terry." He hugged her back just as tight.

A moment later, Ellen joined the hug, too.

**Three**

_A/N: This has the accidental misgendering, though it's because the character in question doesn't **know** yet and it's not to Terry's face._

Dr. Harry Carlyle raised his eyebrows when he opened his apartment door to find Terry Ryder standing on the other side. "Terry?"

"Hi, Uncle Harry." He scrubbed at his eyes, which looked decidedly reddened. "Can I stay with you for a bit? At least the night?"

Opening the door wider, Harry gestured for his godson to enter. "Of course. Come on in."

"Thanks, Uncle Harry." Smiling wanly, he slipped past Harry into the sitting area.

Closing the door, Harry asked, "Do your parents know where you are?"

"Nope." Terry stood in the middle of the sitting area, arms wrapped across his waist.

Harry moved in front of Terry and gently gripped the sixteen-year-old's shoulders. With a jolt, he realized the teenager was almost his height now. Pushing that realization aside, Harry asked, "Do you object to me calling and letting them know where you are?"

"You can if you want." Terry slipped out of Harry's grip and headed down the hall. "May I use the guest bedroom?"

Harry nodded, watching Terry's progress down the hall with concern. Once the door shut behind him, Harry entered a familiar contact code into his omni-tool. Ellen's face appeared on the tiny screen, nearly frantic. "Harry! Are you calling about Terry?"

"Yes, Terry's here." Harry confirmed with a nod. "No bags, though. Just the clothes on his back."

Ellen nodded, looking both pained and relieved. "I'll send Freddy with a bag for Terry. Thank you so much, Harry."

"Of course, Ellen." He glanced over his shoulder, ensuring the door to the guest bedroom was still shut. "Why is Terry here?"

This time, she shook her head. "That's not for me to say, Harry. You'll have to ask Terry yourself."

"I see." Harry frowned. Whatever it was, it was clearly very personal. "Well, Terry's welcome to stay with me as long as he needs, of course."

Her smile strained, Ellen said, "Thanks again, Harry."

"You're welcome, Ellen." Ending the call, he headed down the hall to the guest bedroom.

He knocked on the door and faintly heard Terry say, "Come on in, the door's open."

"Hey, Terry." Smiling at the familiar phrase that his godson must have picked up from Ellen, he stepped inside. Terry was curled up in the middle of the bed, his shoes abandoned on the floor. "Freddy's on his way with some clothes and things."

Terry didn't budge. "Okay."

"Do you want to talk about it?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed.

His heart ached when Terry looked at him with a tearful face. "It's D-Dad. He-- he--"

"Oh, Terry." Harry scooted closer and hugged Terry as best he could. "What did Alec do?"

Shaking, Terry crawled into Harry's lap like he hadn't since he was ten years younger and cried. Harry simply rocked him, letting him cry. He heard the door chime and checked his omni-tool. Freddy waited at the front door with two bags, looking both angry and worried. Harry entered the code to unlock the door and Freddy stepped into the apartment. He soon appeared in the bedroom doorway. Dropping the bags and kicking off his shoes, he quickly joined them, whispering, "I'm so sorry, Terry."

"Freddy." Terry turned to his brother, clinging to him, much as he had Harry.

Seeing the twins together, Harry realized that they weren't as identical as they'd once been. Freddy's shoulders were broader than Terry's and his jaw more angular. _How long have I been gone on my lecture tour that I missed it?_ Resisting the urge to use his omni-tool to get his answers, Harry instead asked, "Are you trans, Terry? Or enby or gnc?"

"I-- what?" Terry lifted their head to stare at Harry. "Why do you ask?"

Freddy nudged his twin. "We don't look identical anymore, Terry."

"Oh, right." Tilting their chin up almost defiantly, Terry told him with a slight shake in their voice: "I'm a girl, Uncle Harry, not a boy."

He nodded, understanding why Ellen had looked pained at times during their brief conversation. "Okay, thank you for telling me, Terry."

"You don't even have to _think_ about it?" Freddy asked incredulously.

Harry shook his head, amused by their surprise. "I can see for myself that Terry's been on HRT just from looking at you two side-by-side."

"Oh, yeah, that makes sense," Terry mused as she and Freddy eyed each other.

Harry opened his arms and Terry moved into them, cuddling close. "Plus, I've had non-cis patients as part of my practice."

"Dad wasn't so understanding," Freddy explained quietly, stroking Terry's back.

Harry stared at Freddy in surprised shock. A few of their fellow soldiers had been non-cis and Alec had made a point of befriending them. Why would his own daughter be different? " _Alec_? I can hardly believe it of him."

"He _did_ , Uncle Harry," Terry told him in a shaky voice. "Said I'm not his daughter but his son."

Harry closed his eyes tight, pushing down his anger for the moment. He'd yell at his friend and get his side of the story later. His goddaughter needed him more now. "I see. Well, you're welcome to stay with me as long as you need to, Terry."

"Thank you," she whispered huskily before beginning to cry again.

Freddy stroked Terry's back a few times and met Harry's eyes. "Thanks, Uncle Harry."

"Always, Terry, Freddy." He smiled sadly.

After Freddy left to return home, Harry sent Ellen an e-mail:

_Ellen-_

_The twins told me what happened. I'd like to talk with you, too. When can we meet up? Also, I need to give Alec a good kick in the pants. He's better than this, I know he is. What **happened**?_

_-Harry_

**Four**

Even though Harry was supposed to be the Pathfinder team's medic and Lexi would look after the rest of the human colonists on the _Hyperion_ , Harry still insisted that she meet the Pathfinder team and examine them with him. David Fisher, Lucas Greer, Andrea Hayes, and Dusty Kirkland came in for their exams without any trouble. Cora Harper, Liam Kosta, and all three Ryders resisted coming in until Harry pulled rank and all but ordered them to come in.

The last to show up were the Ryder twins: Terry and Freddy. They arrived together, holding hands. Though both affected a calm air, Lexi could see that Terry held tight to Freddy's hand and his shoulders were tense. Both relaxed when they saw Harry, matching smiles spreading across their faces. Freddy let go of Terry's hand so he could hug Harry warmly. "Hey! Good to see you, Uncle Harry."

Harry returned the hug with a chuckle. "Hi, Freddy, Terry."

"Hi, Uncle Harry." Terry offered her hand, but didn't object when Harry took it and pulled her into a hug, too.

Finished, he turned to gesture to Lexi, who stepped forward. "I'd like you two to meet Dr. Lexi T'Perro. She'll be the lead medic on the _Hyperion_. Lexi, these two are Terry and Freddy Ryder, Alec's children."

"It's nice to meet you, Dr. T'Perro," Freddy greeted her with a grin and a wink.

Lexi shook his hand, patently ignoring the wink. "Nice to meet you, too, Ryder."

"Pardon my little brother," Terry told Lexi as she muscled him out of the way. "He doesn’t know when _not_ to flirt. Nice to meet you."

Freddy gave his sister an outraged look. " _One_ stinking minute, Terry."

"It's nice to meet _you_ as well, Ryder," Lexi told Terry, amused by the way they interacted.

Nodding, Terry released Lexi's hand and looked between her and Harry with some hesitation. "Um, who's going to do the exam?"

"Both of us," Harry replied, gesturing between them.

Terry took a step back and Freddy moved so he was between Lexi and Terry. She looked at Harry. "But, we're on the Pathfinder team, shouldn't--"

"You're _also_ on the _Hyperion_ ," Lexi reminded her gently.

Harry gently grasped Terry's shoulders. "Terry, look at me." She reluctantly lifted her head to meet his eyes. "I've known Lexi awhile. You can trust her."

"Are you sure?" Freddy asked, glancing at Lexi.

Harry nodded firmly. After a moment, Terry nodded in return. "If you trust her, Uncle Harry, then so do I."

"Thank you," Lexi told her and couldn't resist asking, "Why are you so wary of strangers?"

Terry shook her head. "Not strangers. I just-- There's something I find difficult to share, but you'll need to know, since you'll be my doctor, too."

"I'm sure you're aware of doctor-patient confidentiality," Lexi reminded her. "I won't share your medical information with _anyone_ without your permission. Not even your brother or father."

Pain flashed in her violet eyes before she looked away. A quick glance at Freddy and she saw a scowl on his face as he wrapped his arm around Terry's shoulders. She looked at Harry, who had his lips pressed together. He shook his head briefly. "Would you like me to explain, Terry?"

"No, I can." Taking a deep breath, Terry looked up to meet Lexi's eyes. "I'm trans, Dr. T'Perro. Freddy and I were born identical."

Lexi looked between the twins, finally understanding what had been niggling at the back of her mind since the twins walked in: they resembled each other more than most brothers and sisters. "I see, literally."

Her comment had the desired effect of making the twins laugh. Harry shook his head. "You'd think, after 200 years, you'd have better jokes."

"Humor's not my forte," she reminded Harry. Turning back to the twins, she asked, "Who else in the Initiative knows you're trans, Terry?"

"Just Dad," she replied, sobering quickly. "I prefer to choose if I tell anyone else and when."

Lexi nodded her understanding. "Of course. No one will hear it from me."

"Thanks, Lexi." Terry gave her a grateful smile.

Lexi smiled back. "You're welcome, Terry."

**Five**

_A/N: This is from an AU I'm working on where Alec survived Habitat 7 and he got the chance to sort things out with Terry._

Suvi looked up from her datapad when someone entered the galley, feeling her heart skip a beat when she saw that it was Terry. Smiling shyly, she said, "Hi, Terry."

"Hi, Suvi." Smiling back, Terry pulled a jug out of the fridge and sniffed it suspiciously. "Any idea what this is?"

She shook her head. "No idea. Your father brought it aboard."

"Okay." Terry put it back in the fridge and sat down opposite Suvi. "Do you mind if I ask you some questions?"

Saving her spot on the report she'd been reading, Suvi set the datapad down. "Not at all. What's on your mind, Terry?"

"You said you've studied microbiology, right?" Terry asked, looking nervous for some reason.

Suvi nodded, clasping her hands on the table. "Yes. I love seeing the building blocks of--"

"Sorry to interrupt, but did your studies cover gender?" Terry's words came quickly, as if she was rushing to get them out for some reason.

Wondering where Terry was going with these questions, Suvi considered the question carefully. "Of course we discussed biological gender and how it manifests in the different alien races." Terry nodded, pressing her lips together. "But that's separate from gender identity." Suvi traced a pattern on her datapad. "My teacher made it very clear that the two are separate and sometimes a person's gender identity doesn't match their biological gender."

"My teacher said much the same thing," Terry admitted quietly. She looked up towards the ceiling. "SAM, can you ensure we have privacy?"

SAM answered in his usual bland tone. "Of course, Terry. Do you wish me to go, too?"

"No, you can stay. I just don't want anyone walking in on us," Terry replied, looking amused.

Suvi wondered what Terry could have to say that she didn't want just anyone to hear. "What's going on, Terry?"

"I-- There's something-- Freddy and I--" Terry stopped short and gave an exasperated sigh. "Dammit, why is this so hard?"

Smiling fondly, Suvi got up and moved around the table to sit in the chair next to Terry's. "Just say it, Terry."

"I'm trans, Suvi," Terry blurted, and then glanced away. "Freddy and I were born identical, both of us assigned male at birth."

Suvi stared at Terry, surprised by the revelation. She hadn't thought that there was more of a reason behind the strong resemblance between the twins beyond the fact that they were siblings. Noticing that Terry had wrapped her arms around her waist, Suvi reached out and gently grasped one of Terry's hands. "You're still Terry, our friend and colleague." Waiting for the violet eyes to meet hers, she added, "I still like you."

"You have no idea how many people ran when I told them about it." Terry's shoulders slumped and she turned her hand so she could clasp Suvi's.

Shaking her head at the thought that people would let something like biological gender stop them from spending time with someone, Suvi squeezed Terry's hand. "They're idiots, then. I guess you told your family?"

"Yeah." Terry's voice turned hoarse and she swiped at her eyes. "I told Mom first. I wasn't sure at the time if I was trans or enby. Mom suggested taking hormones to prevent puberty until I was sure. When I told Freddy, he was hurt more by the fact that I'd kept a secret from him." She smiled fondly. "After that, we promised not to keep secrets from each other."

Suvi nodded, edging her chair closer and taking Terry's other hand. "And your dad?"

"He-- not well," Terry admitted, closing her eyes for a long moment, tears trickling down her cheeks. "I told him I was his daughter and he said no, I'm his son."

Her heart went out to the younger Terry and Suvi leaned forward to hug her tight. "I'm so sorry, Terry. That must have hurt."

"It did." Terry hugged Suvi back. "We didn't see each other for ten years and it might have been even longer if Mom hadn't gotten sick." She sat back, wiping at her cheeks. "And Dad didn't say a damn thing about me being trans. Just acted as if nothing had happened."

Suvi reached up to gently wipe away a tear that Terry had missed. "From what I've seen of him, he doesn't deal well with feelings."

"No, he doesn't." Terry laughed, catching Suvi's hand with hers and holding it again. "Thanks for listening, Suvi."

She squeezed Terry's hands gently. "Always, Terry."

**Plus One**

_A/N: This has the accidental transphobia. The character immediately regrets it, but the damage was done._

"Alec." Ellen's voice stopped him as he moved towards his office after dinner.

He turned back to her, eyebrows raised. "What?"

"Terry requested a family meeting after dinner," she told him, walking over to take his hand. "Did you not hear?"

Alec frowned, looking over at the twins, who were watching intently. "Um, no. I must've been distracted. There's something brewing at work."

"Well, you're not at work right now." Her voice dry, Ellen grabbed the datapad out of his hand. "You'll get this back _after_ the family meeting."

He made a face at his wife, and then leaned over to kiss her softly. "Very well. Let's go sit."

"Thanks, Dad." Terry smiled at him before leading them into the living room.

Alec sat down with Ellen on the couch, clasping her hand with his. Freddy sat down in one of the armchairs. Instead of lounging back in it like he usually did, Freddy sat on the edge of the chair, hands clasped together between his knees. With everyone settled, Alec looked at Terry. "Okay, Terry, what's this meeting about?"

"I, um," he hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand. "Mom and Freddy know this already."

Alec glanced at them in surprise. "Oh, um, I suppose it makes sense." He turned back to his elder son. "I've been away a lot, haven't I?"

"Even when you've been here," Ellen muttered.

He grimaced at the fully justified dig. Terry drew Alec's attention back to him. "I just want you to know, Dad, that I'm your daughter."

"No, you're my son," he corrected, confused by why he'd said that.

Terry flinched back a step as if Alec had slapped him. Ellen tugged her hand free of Alec's, her voice angry. "Alec Ryder!"

"If you can't accept me as your daughter," Terry told him in a shaky voice, "then I don't want to be your son, either."

He left the room and the three of them sat in frozen silence until they heard the apartment door open and close. Freddy found his voice first, standing and glaring. "How _could_ you?"

"I thought you were better than that," Ellen added, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at Alec, too.

Realization slowly dawned as he finally understood what Terry had been trying to tell him. "Oh, _fuck_."

" _Now_ you figure it out." Freddy threw his hands up in exasperation, standing up and beginning to pace. "A little late now, wouldn't you say?"

Alec buried his face in his hands, his own words ringing in his ears: _No, you're my son._ The one time he didn't stop to think and he sent his daughter running away. "Oh, god, what have I done?"

"Terry has wrestled with and worried about this decision for _months_ , Alec," Ellen told him sternly, tugging his hands away from his face so he _had_ to look at her. " _She_ wanted you to know the truth because _she_ didn't want you to misgender _her_ anymore."

He nodded, scrubbing his fingers through his hair. "God, I'm an idiot."

"Ya think?" Freddy demanded. "If you'd been paying attention, you'd have noticed that _she_ and I haven't been properly identical for a couple years now."

Alec winced. He _hadn't_ been paying attention. He'd been so absorbed in his work that he'd barely spent any time with his family in recent years. "I'm sorry, Freddy."

" _I'm_ not the one you need to apologize to," Freddy countered. "Your _daughter_ is the one who needs an apology."

He nodded his agreement and stood up, determined to track her down and do exactly that. His omni-tool chimed an alert and he reluctantly checked it. " _Shit_. I need to go in. Things finally came to a head at work."

"As soon as this situation is resolved, you'd _better_ apologize to Terry," Ellen told him, still stern.

Alec nodded and leaned down to kiss her. She turned her head so he kissed her cheek instead. Quietly, he told her, "I'll come back as soon as I can."

"You'd better," Freddy practically snarled before disappearing towards the bedroom he and Terry shared.

Cursing the timing of the situation at work, Alec quickly gathered his things and left the apartment. Hours later, as they continued with damage control, he had two text messages waiting for him. The first was from Ellen: _T is with H. He said she can stay with him. You still need to apologize to her._ The second was from Harry: _You're an idiot. I'm kicking your ass the next time I see you._

Alec breathed a sigh of relief at Ellen's message and winced at Harry's. At least Terry was safe. He mentally vowed to stop by once things were sorted to make his apologies. He then returned his attention to his work. He still had a lot to do.

**Author's Note:**

> This was an exercise to get in other characters' heads besides Terry and Suvi. I also wanted to write Terry's coming out to Alec and I hope it came across that he didn't _mean_ to 'reject' her, he just... spoke before thinking (been there, done that). Interestingly, one of the challenges with writing this was referring to Terry as 'he' when the story needed it. Terry's always been a woman to me, so writing characters who don't know that yet was... interesting.


End file.
